Life So Far

In two days the results of the 2017 Bar Examinations will be released. On May 3rd, it will be a year since ours were posted. A year since my life made a huge turn. 

I've been trying to write about the whole Bar experience but I still can't organize my thoughts. Too many memories come and go, and sometimes, I am left with nothing. At all. Though I did write drafts of other stories that I'd like to keep here. A birthday post. A latest project post. A post about the danger of not giving a fuck. But I've deleted all of them, just now. I don't know 😕

Have you ever had that? That moment when you are dying to tell someone about these amazing things happening in your life but for some reason you just can't? 

So I'll just sum it up: life has been good, so far.

I wouldn't say that I am already up there because I am not. My wobbly knees are still struggling to stand firm on the first steps of this new, tricky and seemingly infinite ladder that I am taking. Still, I am happy where I am right now as a lawyer & notary public / entrepreneur / electric cooperative director / recently elected and probably the youngest president of our high school's alumni association haha. I am finally financially independent and don't have to ask from my parents for cellphone load. I work at my own time and I am my own boss. And most importantly, I am privileged with an opportunity to serve the people, to give back not only to my family but to the community as well.  

I admit, however, that there are times when I wish for more, for something greater. There are days or weeks even that I feel uninspired. In the past months, it's as if I was floating on a murky river with no end. Just going with the current, unconcerned of where it will take me. Plenty of times I asked myself: is this all that I can do? Is this all that I will ever be? 

I know I should not rush things and trust that something is and will be laid out for me, in due time. Yet I still feel it, no matter how many times I brush it aside.

But I'm trying to control things by changing what I can. This year I made a mental promise that I would focus on improving myself - physical, mental, psychological, spiritual. Live more lawyerly. I've also accepted chances which normally I would turn down for the simple reason that I feel inadequate, and I aim to continue challenging myself by getting out of my comfort zone. With the wedding plans in place and the increasing passion to serve the public more efficiently, I am more motivated to become a better and more fulfilled individual.

Life is good. No need to worry nor hurry.

Little by little. 

Slowly but surely.

I will be there.