Skip to main content

Love / Loss

 And I am in love, and I am terrified.

There goes Katharine, my cue that I should stop, I should calm myself. I had to change my mood before my sister notices. 

Curtained Balcony of Cordoba by Paul J. Bucknall, 2011

I stopped but tears still rolled down my cheeks.

I sat silently in the veranda, wrapped my cardigan tighter to keep myself warm. That was the second time that I sobbed because of him. I had to cut our conversation so he wouldn't notice. Indeed, he didn't.

I shouldn't feel this way. I knew from the beginning that everything will change and it would be pretty tough especially for me. I don't think it was a hasty decision because I was aware of it. I wanted it. I consciously agreed to it. And here I am, repairing my heart that suffers disappointment almost every day. 

What I fear most these days is not of losing him one day, though I am almost certain it would not happen. On the contrary, I am afraid that I may lose myself along the way. 

For days I have been in conflict with myself. I don't know why but I've been wanting to go back to the old me. When I was unattached, when I never had to care for someone so much. I can't remember anymore, it is as if I had forgotten how I was before. And it scares me.

I am so confused and I despise it that he had to ask why. He told me not think too much, and that I have exams. Well, thank God for an on/off switch!

Nobody said relationships are easy, yet how come everyone wants a piece of it?



Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

There Will Be Days

Dandelion by Kamsar Ohanyan, 2021 There will be days when you wake up to a cuddle There will be days when mornings are a struggle There will be days when dancing feels good There will be days when music just can't give the right mood  There will be days when the food on the plate is wiped clean There will be days when a grain's left untouched or so it seems  There will be days when laughter echoes everywhere There will be days when not even a cricket's sound you can hear   There will be days when a short walk is enough to keep it at bay There will be days when you kneel and plead to make it go away There are days when the faintest of sunshine hurts your eyes And there are days when raindrops sound like solemn lullabies. PK.K.M.
Post a Comment
Continue

The One Where We Finally Said "I Do"

Today marks the seventh day since Ambin and I got hitched, aka our first "weeksary".  Rings by  Little White Pouch The hubs got up early this morning to prepare our breakfast. I spent a few minutes more in bed as I was still sleepy. We talked until midnight last night about how—seven days in—we still find it incredible that we are now husband and wife! We've been laughing at the thought that it's like we're just playing house. Ambin says that until I called his mother "Nanay", he wouldn't have realized that yes, we are indeed married already. Haha. Nothing much has changed except that now, we are inseparable—we cook together, eat together, watch Netflix together, and just the other day, did Zumba together. There's been a lot of playful roasting from both sides, too. This is probably the longest we've been together physically and so far, wala pa namang napipikon. Haha. It's a good kind of strange to be in this new chapter of our lives. Des...
Post a Comment
Continue

Grail Graduation Day '17

Our godchildren, Seanna Aquisha and Clent Lorenze, just graduated from Grail School last Thursday and their stage ninangs were there to proudly cheer them on! 😍 It seems like only yesterday when these cutie pies made headlines in our small barkada. I can still remember when Lornts, Lorenze's mom, broke the news about her bun in the oven. She was so chill about it while I was terrified for her and her CE Board Exams later that year. And who would forget the day when Shan, Seanna's mom, called us at Lorenze's christening to inform us that she was one month pregnant with her ass ex boyfriend. I was doubly scared for her because of her circumstances then. But life really surprises you. Now, the little ones just finished pre-school!
Post a Comment
Continue