So Long, Old Self

Nine years ago

I deleted my 9-year-old Facebook account and I'm glad I did, at long last.

This isn't the first time I deactivated my social media account. I did it last year when I reviewed for the Bar. I was offline for about 4 or 5 months, though I wasn't on a total hiatus as I was active on Messenger and I'd sometimes check the social networking site to get my mind off things. But then 5 minutes later I'd get so annoyed by everything I see on my news feed and shut off my account again.

I have been thinking of creating a new account since then. Ever since we outgrew Farmville, Facebook has become so toxic for me that I started hating it. Well, most of it was because of my own doing. Firstly, I added friends that I barely know. I'm a snob and people know that. So in an attempt to become more friendly and approachable, or at least appear to be one, I continued on accepting requests from kids that I haven't even met for as long as we have dozens of mutual friends. Secondly, I kept people on my friends list though I know deep in my heart that we would never talk to each other, in social media or irl. Most of them used to be actual friends until they got relegated to simply strangers over the years, which isn't really a bad thing. Apparently, friends may drift apart when they realize that they have different interests. Lastly, I became tolerant about whatever that is shared by my friends on their accounts, so tolerant that I failed to recognize that I was already at my boiling point.

Well, I finally lost it. Wapakels na akels. I am finally fed up with the gross images, idiotic viral videos, narcissistic selfies, ridiculous humble-bragging, and condescending opinions shared by ignorant and/or shallow people. I scrolled down my timeline, read my statuses from this year down to 2008, and saw how I used to interact actively with everyone before and realized how today, none of those people nor I, even bother to say "hey" to each other. I guess we're past our honeymoon stage already. Ayoko na. I want to be visible only to people that I truly care about. 

But that is not all. I've also come into a realization that I strongly dislike my old self. I was incredibly irritating years ago (now, slight na lang lol). I was always online, always posting whatever the hell was on my mind, always wanting to be acknowledged. I understand that I was only a poor teenager overwhelmed by this 21st-century technology but ANNOYING MO TEH. Ayoko sa'kin. 😅 

Still, I could not let go so easily. Whenever I'd try to, I'd get sentimental. 100+ photo albums, with an average of 90 photos each. Beautiful music I discovered and shared via Youtube. Me and my friends' uneventful life events. Even those foolish statuses that I posted. I couldn't let go of precious memories. It's basically been a substantial part of me - memory storage of my college senior year and the entire 5 years of law school plus 2-year bar journey. It was a key witness of my triumphs and failures!

BUT SOMEHOW, IT WAS DRAGGING ME DOWN AND I HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD.

When I found out that Facebook added a 'download album' feature, I got so ecstatic! My photos were the major factor that I needed to consider before finally calling it. Yet I kept on hesitating; searching for reasons to keep it. SURE KA NA BA TALAGA? GORA NA? After months of thinking it through, I couldn't come up with a valid one. The jirits and toxicity I felt were just too much. Do I sound overly dramatic na? Haha. I even think that the reason why I can't really move on with my life, why I feel like I'm tied down, is because I'm scared to take a step towards new horizons. Or in this case, to start fresh with a new account. Charot. 

So yun na. Last night, I googled 'how to permanently delete Facebook account' (lels) and now I have 14 days to change my mind before the guys at Facebook throw those 9 crucial years of my life into the internet abyss. But I won't. Although I know I'd still encounter nasty posts as I can't control what my true friends will share, it's okay because I intend to fully utilize Facebook's options and settings. LOL. I've decided and I choose to move forward with a new me, a new account!

Dami kong sinabi. I only wanted to tell everyone that I have a new Facebook account. HAHA. Please don't add me 😂