Not Like Me

Signing of the Roll of Attorneys, Supreme Court of the Philippines, May 24, 2017

I was invited to give an inspirational message to the students of my alma mater in celebration of its 47th Founding Anniversary. The first thing that came to mind was, "Wait, what can I talk about eh I have no significant contribution to the society pa naman?" The second was, "why did they invite me?" What do they hope to hear from me? My politics? My hobbies? Or maybe my journey? 😅

I haven't really told anyone outside my family, even my best friends, about my entire law school journey so I was in a bit of a dilemma. Should I tell the truth about my humiliating struggles to strangers? Or sugarcoat things and skip the parts which are totally embarrassing? To be honest, I didn't want others to hear about what I've been through for not only does it bring back awful memories of the past, I likewise feel that no one is actually interested to know my story. I don't like to waste my time on people who don't care.

Nevertheless, I decided to bare it all and thought that perhaps it's time to be true to myself. I gotta accept my mistakes and live with my bad decisions, because hey, I already made it! And since I haven't shared about my quest to get that coveted A-T-T-Y here, I am posting my MEGA lengthy and terribly written speech, also to remind myself for when I get too cocky and forget where and how I started, and yeah, perchance inspire kids to do better. 👸

Again, thank you for the recognition, SNPOSA! Long live! 💗

Greetings!

I was only ten years old when I first set foot in this quadrangle as a freshman 15 years ago. Like most Grade 7 students today, I did not know what to expect then. I was scared and excited at the same time. Everything was so new and incredible to me. I know some of you think that I had an easy high school experience and to that, I must agree, though medyo lang naman. I was always on the honor roll, won every SSG and Club elections, received love letters from boys from different year levels and had the most awesome friends. I got everything I wanted without exerting so much effort. As long as I get good grades and a medal, I was okay. In other words, I was lazy and mediocre.

I felt more invincible when I passed the UPCAT. More so that I was the only one in our batch who did. At that time, I was ridiculously confident that I'd get away with anything, even if I slack my way through college. However, I learned soon enough that I needed to change my attitude.

When I got to UP Tacloban I did not know anyone except for three upperclassmen and one fellow freshman I met years ago during a Division Press Conference. Most of the kids I met were honor students in their respective high schools, all with distinct personalities. It was overwhelming to be in one place with some of the best minds in the Region. Needless to say, I felt so much pressure to prove that I was worthy to be called Iska and to study in the same institution. Fortunately, I got through and graduated on time.

Now here comes the tricky part: where do I go next? When I was called up on stage during my high school graduation day, I remember telling everyone that my ambition was to take Political Science in college. Unlike some of my batch-mates who aimed high and dreamed big, I settled with what was already certain as the UPCAT results were already posted at that time. Now that I've done it, I didn't know what to do next. I didn't have a much future plan. I've heard people say that if you're from UP, you are sure to find a job almost immediately. But that's not true at all. The options were limited. So when my college best-friends decided to go to Cebu, I asked permission from my parents and embarked on an adventure of a lifetime.

At this point, I would like to point out two essential facts: 1. I was not the top student in my class (from pre-school to college), and 2. nor was I the most diligent. Still, I had so much faith in my "destiny" and swam blindly with the current.

I took the law entrance exam in the University of San Carlos. I barely made it so I was under probation for one semester, which means that I cannot fail in any subject or I'll get eliminated at once. Besides that, a 6-unit rule was imposed wherein no student was allowed to stay once he fails in subjects accumulating to 6 units. This was applicable to all first to third year students. It was then that I realized that sh*t just got real! (Kidding, didn't say this on stage LOL)

I have never seen such aggressive individuals as I did in law school. There, everyone was a rival and all of them seemed to want to be on top. Early on I understood how vital it was to have real friends that I can always depend on. If I upped my attitude in college, I was forced to completely change my mindset and outlook in law school. I had to let go of my easy-go-lucky disposition and commit to the task ahead. I focused on my studies and read, read, and read. I have never read that much my whole life. Every night I'd stay up late to study my lessons and when I wake up in the morning I would review what I have studied. I cannot go to class unprepared lest I be embarrassed in front of my classmates.

In the second semester of my first year in USC things started to go downhill. I had a professor who was so intimidating I could not speak properly each time I was called to recite. Everything I studied would slip through my head and I'd froze because I was nervous and panicky. But he was nothing compared to another professor in my second year who would always respond to answers with a grin. He would ask questions, write something on my index card and look at me with a wide smile on his face. I couldn't ever guess what he was thinking or say that he was contented with my answers. The struggle was so real, I was already thinking of quitting. There was even a time when I computed my parents' expenses and planned to just pay them back for their troubles. The environment was very hostile, I was always stressed and anxious. Eventually, I failed the two subjects which then warranted my elimination from the most prestigious USC. That was the first time I got kicked out of law school.

I then transferred to University of San Jose-Recoletos. I proceeded with a new scheme which is to find balance. I figured I cannot be studying all days of the week. I needed a day or two to myself to recharge. In my third year, I was finally able to adjust in my law life. Sure, I still questioned myself 'what did I get myself into' every day, but I was more settled. I got high scores in some exams, was enjoying my law books and really pondered on becoming a lawyer. I was, at long last, liking the ride. But fate would again test my strength when I joined an organization. This org was always tapped by the administration to lead in most of the major events in school. I was so involved in it that I losed focus, missed my weekend classes and fell behind. At the end of the year, I got another 5; I failed, again.

Now, there was no clear policy about failures in USJR during that time. It was all up to the administration. I was somehow positive that they would reconsider, but boy, was I wrong. I was given two choices: either I stay and re-take my 3rd year bar subjects or transfer to another school. The most painful options ever! I didn't want to re-take my subjects for I would be extending another year, not to mention the time, money and efforts that I've already spent for that year. I only failed in one subject. Why must I retake all? But what other school would accept me given my incredibly disgraceful record if I transfer out? Still, I chose the latter and hoped that I'd find a university that would let me finish what I've started. That was the second time I got eliminated from a law school.

I began to question things and lose faith. I remember going to Sto. Rosario Church, crying, asking God why He let these things happen to me. What did I do to deserve all these? Was law school meant for me? Does this mean that I should quit after sacrificing a lot in the last 4 years? Where would I go? What should I do? When I came to my senses, I prayed for more strength and guidance. I went home and thought of how will I break it to my parents.

One of the things that I am always grateful for is that I was given a very supportive and resilient set of parents. When I called to tell them of my predicament, they calmed me down, told me to visit other schools and talk them into letting me enrol, and pray. They always end conversations with a reminder to pray. Thankfully, Southwestern University allowed me in and this time, I was seriously determined to finish school and pass all my subjects.

With God's grace, I did. In March 2015, after 5 years of intense labor, sleepless nights, heartbreaks, and 3 law schools, I received my Bachelor of Laws diploma. Me, an average girl, survived law school and was on the way to becoming an attorney!

Yet that was only the first of the many obstacles that I had to overcome. The next one would put my name on the Roll of Attorneys so I needed all my might, patience and determination to pull through. One would think that after many years of staying in law school, I was already used to studying intensively but I wasn't. I still have the attention span of a baby. I'd get easily smashed by the amount of lessons I needed to re-learn in 6 months that I would just lay on my bed and wonder if I will make it.

In the Bar, your main enemies are time and your self. To be able to pass it, one must know how to properly manage her time and priorities, and most importantly, have unwavering spirit. I did not. Unlike my friends, I did not a have reading schedule. I did not have 'targets'. I was a growing ball of negativity. When I noticed that I was going nowhere with my review, I began to panic and cram. When the exams came, I was extremely unprepared and it showed in the way I answered the questions. After four Sundays, I knew I was going to fail. Nonetheless, I remained hopeful - hoped that God would see me through rose colored glasses and grant me a miracle. But He didn't and saw me unworthy instead. Just when I thought that my dark days were over, there I was in the same wretched position, even worse! And this is how I took it.

The good news is, we are given plenty of chances if we keep on fighting. And I fought hard as I could. I took the Bar for the second time with a strong resolve to become a lawyer, noting all my mistakes and weaknesses.

And here I am today, humbled by all those painful ordeals and by God's mercy, with a title before my name I thought would be impossible to achieve. And what do I want you, my dear students, to take away from my 'pang-MMK' story? Heto yun: Self-discipline and Purpose.

These are my two regrets in high school: 1. I did not have good study habits, and 2. I did not give time to find out what is it that I want to become. If you are like me then, a shiftless student, here is my unsolicited advice to you: DO NOT BE LIKE ME. If you do not wish to suffer unnecessarily like I did, do not be like me. Discipline yourself to focus on your studies and take time discover the things that you are passionate about. For if you truly, sincerely, want something, you will work hard and do everything in your power to achieve it. This one I learned hard while preparing for the greatest exam of my life.

I understand that some of you feel a huge amount of pressure today. Some are apprehensive about the future. Some are distracted about a lot of things. Some are going through seemingly endless trials in their homes, school, or relationships. And some probably even feel like they have no place here. I want you to know that I get you. I know how it feels because I've been through all that. I was once a feisty teenager, too. But let me tell you this, you haven't seen the worst yet. I do not mean to scare you nor invalidate your sentiments but when you reach my age and you look back, you will realize how petty most of your worries today are.

Therefore, I say to all of you, toughen up! You will all face a great deal of challenges, and oftentimes you'll have to do it alone. No one has it easy in life, we will all go through various difficulties that would test our character, beliefs and will to live. Despite that, you should know that you can and will survive anything that life throws at you if you learn as early as today the importance of self-discipline, clear purpose, and unshakable faith. And I bet you, another ordinary teenager from this school would be up here on stage delivering a speech, too. Until then, I'll be right here cheering you all on! 💖

Thank you and good day!