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Home Alone

What can I tell you that doesn't sound like work? Because that's only been my life now. 

Every day at 6 in the morning, I'd turn off my alarm, get up, and cook rice. And then I'd go back to bed and text my boyfriend "kaberns/kabernd/kabrns", our morning greetings. I'd get up again at 6:30, make my bed, unplug the rice cooker, and ready my things for work. I'd shower and then prepare my self. If it isn't raining, I'd walk to the office. Calbayog City has temporarily suspended public transport again for two weeks. If it is raining, I'd text my neighbor who is also my coworker if I could hitch a ride. I hitched a ride this whole week because I realized I hate walking to my workplace in the morning, it's hot and I'm all sweaty when I reach the office. Start pa lang ng araw pero lantang gulay na ako LOL. In a more normal circumstance, I'd take a tricycle to work.

When the day ends, if it's raining, I'd again hitch a ride. But if it isn't, I'd walk home, sometimes with Mano Nito, sometimes alone. I'd walk fast when I'm by myself. I don't make any eye contact with whoever I'd meet on the way. When I get into my apartment, I'd put my bag on a chair and then throw my face mask to the bin. I'd wash my hands and remove my accessories. I'd sit down and check my phone. Sometimes, when I have food, I'd snack while browsing my social media. Sometimes, I'd open Netflix. After I've had my dinner, I'd wash the dishes and sweep the floor. Then I'd take a bath and get ready for bed. I'd call my boyfriend to ask how his day's been – if it was any better than mine. And then after half an hour or so, we'd say bye and tell each other I love you. I'd watch another episode of whatever series I'm currently into or read a chapter from an ebook I had saved on my phone. And when my eyes feel heavy, I'd put my gadget down and sleep. I'd repeat the whole thing for the remaining days in the workweek. 

On weekends, there is nothing much to do either. I'd wash the laundry in the morning and then go to the supermarket in the afternoon. I'd open Youtube and watch cooking shows before making my own version of their recipes. I still haven't perfected bistek tagalog until today. Since local restrictions were reimposed, I've been ordering take-out, though; Metro Supermarket is kilometers away from my place. I'd do a little cleaning. I'd again watch something on Netflix or read a book. Right now, I'm on episode 12 of Chicago Typewriter.

I honestly have no problem with this. I like my routine. I like the quietness and solitude. But walking home alone today, I almost cried thinking, is this it? Will my life be like this for the rest of the month, the year? Will this be our life in the years to come? Hiding in our homes, keeping our distance, and disinfecting whatever we touch? Just work, essentials, and home. No dinner dates. No spending time with friends. No driving home to see our parents. No celebrating family milestones at the beach or at any fancy restaurant.

Of course, I know that I am privileged enough to be living as I do now. That I am lucky enough to still have work in these trying times. That I still have a home to return to. That I still have my loved ones around. I am grateful. But even the most privileged persons feel empty, too. Those who appear to have it figured out are sometimes just as lost or helpless, too.

This crisis is crippling us, no matter what the guys in the palace would have us believe. It's annoying how we seem to just accept things as they are and not actively work on the virus's eradication. It's like we're just looking at bubbles in the air and waiting for it to suddenly disappear. And while we absentmindedly count for miracles to happen, things are falling apart around us. At the rate that we are going, by the time this whole thing ends, there would be nothing more left for us. 

I refuse to get used to this. I don't want to get used to wearing face masks or face shields whenever I go out of the house. I don't want to stay 5 feet apart from my loved ones. I don't want to be limited in my movements. I don't want to keep looking at the bright side of things. I want this problem gone and I want how we were before this pandemic destroyed our lives.  

Maybe I am just being sentimental or overdramatic. Maybe this Kdrama is messing with my head. But I do miss getting close to someone. I miss being hugged. Or kissed. Or tapped. I miss giving kisses to people I love and high fiving my friends. I miss talking to people face to face about our worries without these worrisome shields. I miss spending afternoons outdoors, just looking at the sunset, taking pictures, or driving around. I miss sharing a microphone with friends and singing sad songs at the top of our lungs. Or having a beer and talking about olden days or our future plans. I miss living without fear. I miss doing what we want to do and going out anytime we want, anywhere we want without having to go through checkpoints and securing travel documents. I miss home.


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